Dear Jennifer: A year ago I was a happily married woman with a wonderful husband and two beautiful children. Then I found out that my husband was having an affair and he decided to leave our family. Aside from being heartbroken by his decision, we are now involved in a very difficult divorce that is draining our savings, and we’re fighting over everything, including our children. Why did this happen to me and will I win my divorce? I’m so afraid that I’m going to lose everything, including custody of my children.
 Jennifer’s Answer: I know that this is hard for you and it is very scary to feel like your life is disintegrating before your eyes. What you want to know, when you ask whether you will win your divorce, is whether you will be able to get some aspects of your life back and whether you will lose everything you have, your children, money and lifestyle. You will get your life back, but it won’t look like it did before.  Your marriage is already gone and that is the first thing you have to acknowledge. Fighting with your husband won’t change that, nor will trying to make him pay for what he has done to your family, because there is an element of that present here too.
There are far more important issues at work here, including some strong karmic energy between you and your husband that are what created this situation. I don’t think it’s the first time, across your many lifetimes together, that he has abandoned you, financially, physically or emotionally and you are feeling some very strong victim memories that, in other lifetimes, probably left you destitute.
The other issue I see with your husband is how he saw himself in the marriage and what he needed from you. Prior to his affair, you were making some self-empowering changes and that is why he found some else, someone who thought he was powerful and wonderful and with whom he didn’t have to prove himself, or change. You may not have talked about the changes you were going through but he was aware of them, and also aware of the fact that to stay on par with you he was going to have to change too. And he was also afraid that you would eventually see him in less than a positive way. He needs someone who worships him and who puts him first in every way and that was not you.
What does it mean to you, to ‘win’ your divorce? Because it will eventually be over and there will be a division of property, a decision about support and custody, and you will each have to start your lives over again. To get to that point you will have to change the energy between you, which involves forgiveness, detachment, and acceptance. You don’t have to give up the fight, you just have to fight from your light instead of from your anger, fear, victimhood and betrayal. The karma between you is about being a victim, so how can you shift that energy to being victorious and use this experience to empower yourself, instead of allowing it to destroy you, your children and your husband? I know it’s hard to set aside the anger but if you want to ‘win’ and to step out on a new path, that is what you will have to do. And you can do it, it’s putting all you have learned into practice. While we’re learning about forgiveness, healing, transformation and ascension, the information seems so simple and easy. The true test is when we have to put it into practice in our lives, in a situation, like yours, in which we are facing our deepest fears and greatest challenges. This is your mastery journey, so how can you master this situation by becoming a master of your emotions, anger, fear, karma and create a new joyful, fulfilling, successful and victorious life path for yourself?
